we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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