I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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