Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
