i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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