Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
