I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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