your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
