How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
