my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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