There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
