I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
