No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
