Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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