He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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