Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
