talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just had sex on a roof
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
