I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
