Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
