As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
