Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
