Apparently you make a good broom.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
