Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
