my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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