I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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