I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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