I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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