how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
