youre lurking in front of me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
