Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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