Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
