they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
