What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
