Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
