I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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