Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
