they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
