My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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