I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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