So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize