Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
