Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
