That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
