I CAN MOONWALK!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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