You just made me feel so damn special
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize
