His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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