Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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