Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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