I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
