Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
