so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
