We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
