i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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