I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
