The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
