how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Can Purell be used as lube?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
