Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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