nut hugger
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
