between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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