swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
