Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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