Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
