I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
