The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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