Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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