Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
