He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
