I wannas sexs uuuuu
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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