even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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