Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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