...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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