he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
