OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
