Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
