If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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