I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
