I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize