do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
