I'm drive I can fine osifer
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize