Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
