everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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