The maid of honor just puked.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
