hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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